Stray Thoughts
— The game’s narrative is both incomprehensible and heartfelt. I like it a lot.
— I was well into a second play-through before I felt I was really getting a grip on the finer points of the game’s combat. There’s a lot to dig into, but also room to focus if you so choose. For instance: you can totally ignore all the extra weapons and just use guns, and that would still have enough depth and flexibility for an engaging time.
— I actually played this game once before, back when it originally released on the Xbox 360. It’s better than I remember, and one day I’ll get around to playing the sequels.
View Transcript
5 page review comic for the game Bayonetta
Page 1
Panel 1: The Umbra Witch Bayonetta is despised for her wickedness and envied for her perfection.
Illustration: Bayonetta, a witch in a black catsuit with red pistols in her hands and strapped to her high-heels, poses while pointing a gun out towards the viewer.
Panel 2: Review: Bayonetta. Four stars out of Five. Developer: PlatinumGames. Reviewed by Dan McAlister.
Panel 3: She’s hypersexual…
Illustration: A close-up of Bayonetta’s gloved hand holding lipstick.
Panel 4: …iconoclastic…
Illustration: A close-up of a pistol strapped to Bayonetta’s high-heel.
Panel 5: …and untouchable.
Illustration: Bayonetta dodges bullets.
Page 2
Panel 1: For her sins (and there are many), she is forever hunted by angels…
Illustration: Two stone heads with halos and golden wings flap in the air. A masked angel with large, fiery gauntlets grips the borders of the panel.
Panel 2: …but she is more than happy to hunt them back.
Illustration: Bayonetta points a gun at the angels from the previous panel.
Panel 3: Bayonetta is a combat-action game where you play as the titular witch fighting the armies of heaven. Though this heaven doesn’t seem to be for humans: instead, its soldiers take the form of predatory animals and monsters, all wearing golden masks and bits of old stoneware.
Illustration: Bayonetta shoots one of the stone heads as the angel with flaming gauntlets rears back.
Panel 4: Bayonetta stands apart, and not just for her exaggerated sex appeal. As a “witch,” she talks and acts like a dominatrix, and wears a catsuit made of her own hair. But her magic is also powered by her hair…
Illustration: The gauntlet wearing angel takes a swipe at Bayonetta, who twists out of the way while shooting the other stone head.
Panel 5: …so her strongest magical attacks hit hard while also stripping her naked. It’s a unique setup to say the least, and conveys a mix of brutality and overt sexuality through the lens of high camp.
Illustration: Bayonetta’s hair whips off her body and creates a portal, through which a giant food in a purple high heel smashes down on the last angel.
Page 3:
Panel 1: The game’s many cutscenes play up this dichotomy. You’ll spend a lot of time watching Bayonetta attack, taunt, spank, and dismember heavenly soldiers. It’s exaggerated, gratuitous, and actually serves an important purpose: Bayonetta the character acts as an idealized figure for you to aspire to in play.
Illustration: A film strip sequence depicts Bayonetta blowing a kiss, holding a gun to an angel’s head, and posing suggestively in front of a purple fog.
Panel 2: It would be one thing to simply fight and win, but Bayonetta’s, both by example and the game’s trophy system, pushes you to perform.
Illustration: Bayonetta looks disappointed holding a small bronze trophy and says “Bronze?” Meanwhile, a spear-wielding angel charges at her from behind.
Panel 3: What seems effortless to the character must be studied by the player. And central to the game’s combat is evasion.
Illustration: Bayonetta smirks as she looks behind her.
Page 4:
Panel 1: Waiting to dodge an enemy’s attack until just before it connects activates witch time…
Illustration: The angel thrusts its spear forward as Bayonetta spins out of the way.
Panel 2: …which slows all enemies, giving you the space to punish and, critically, humiliate them.
Illustration: Bayonetta says “so close” while she holds a hissing snake and stands next to the immobilized angel.
Panel 3: While the dodge is at the core of Bayonetta’s arsenal, there are many more layers to explore, and many ways to embody the scandalous, rebellious spirit unique to the character. Mix-and-match weapon sets (illustration of Bayonetta holding a sword), ranged combat (illustration of Bayonetta’s pistol), wicked weaves (illustration of Bayonetta mostly naked and summoning a giant fist that punches forward). It’s a fabulously flexible and expressive combat system. Unfortunately, it’s also a lot to take in, and the game is rather hands-off in teaching you the ropes.
Page 5:
Panel 1: Tutorials and practice opportunities are scant, and the actual combat scenes are often too chaotic to appreciate the nuances between, say, strapping a pistol to your heel versus a shotgun. The tools to become a truly dominant umbra witch are here, but it’s often an uphill battle to learn them.
Illustration: Bayonetta’s pistol strapped foot rests on the head of prone angel. Her other foot is planted on the ground, and has a shotgun strapped to it.
Panel 2: The work is worth it, though. While sometimes inscrutable, Bayonetta is still like nothing else out there, even fifteen years after its release. True perfection may be unattainable, but this is still a wickedly good time.
Illustration: Bayonetta’s clothes are once again blasted off as she summons a monstrous head with a forked tongue and razor-sharp teeth, all made of her twisted hair.
Butternut Ape 